We said yes – and then the real work began: our honest adoption application story
From paperwork to prep: what we learned during the adoption application process.
This is Part 2 of a 6-part series: Our Adoption Journey – From Hope to Home. If you missed the beginning, you can read Part 1 here.
Have you ever made a decision that felt both terrifying and completely right at the same time? That’s exactly what starting the adoption application process felt like for us — a leap of faith wrapped in paperwork, waiting rooms, and more paperwork.
Once we said yes — truly, wholeheartedly yes — there was no sitting back and waiting for something to happen. We quickly learned that the adoption application process moves at exactly the pace you push it. Nobody was going to knock on our door. Nobody was counting down the days on our behalf. If we wanted this, we had to show up for it — every single step of the way.
First things first: walking into the unknown
In Hungary, the official state adoption process begins with registering at your local child protection services. I want to be upfront about something important here: what I’m sharing is our experience with the Hungarian state adoption system, specifically as it worked in 2024. The rules change regularly, and the process looks quite different from adoption in the US. (I’ll be diving deep into that comparison in Part 3 — so stay tuned.)
We walked in not entirely sure what to expect. They sat us down, asked about our intentions, and told us the reality of the situation — plainly and without sugarcoating.
One of the first things they said? A healthy, white newborn baby was simply not going to happen for us. The waiting list for that is approximately six years. And since there’s a maximum 45-year age gap allowed between the younger parent and the child — and I was already 43 — that door was firmly closed before we even knocked.
Did that stop us? No. Not even close.
What the adoption application process actually looks like
Every part of the adoption application had its own rhythm and its own demands. Once we confirmed we wanted to move forward, the process began in earnest. Here’s what the adoption application journey looked like for us, step by step:
Home assessment — they came to us first
Before any paperwork, a social worker visited our home for an environmental assessment. They needed to confirm that our living situation was suitable for raising a child. One of the basic requirements in Hungary is having at least a two-bedroom home — the child must have their own room. This felt very real, very quickly.
Medical clearances and employment verification
Next came the practical paperwork phase. We needed certificates from our GP confirming we were medically fit to become parents. If either parent takes regular medication, a specialist’s clearance is also required — a GP certificate alone isn’t enough in those cases. We also needed letters from our employers.
It sounds straightforward. And mostly it was — but coordinating appointments, chasing documents, and making sure everything was in order required real effort and follow-through. Nobody reminded us. Nobody chased us. This was ours to manage.
Defining the child we were open to
At a follow-up meeting with our caseworker, we submitted our documents and were asked a question that stayed with me for a long time afterward: What kind of child are you open to?
This wasn’t a simple question. We were asked about gender preference, maximum age, and — in a way that felt both necessary and confronting — our openness regarding ethnicity and background. We were asked to consider not just our own acceptance, but whether our extended family would also be accepting. Because if grandparents or relatives couldn’t welcome a child of a different background, that would leave a mark on the child’s life, no matter how open-hearted we were.
It was a moment that asked us to look honestly at ourselves and the people around us.
The psychological assessment — four sessions that went deeper than we expected
One of the most significant parts of the adoption application process was the psychological suitability assessment — four separate sessions with the psychologist at child protection services.
What each session covered:
- Session 1: My husband’s life history — his childhood, relationships, values
- Session 2: My life history — the same, but mine
- Session 3: Our life together — how we function as a couple, how we handle conflict, what kind of parents we hoped to be
- Session 4: Written psychological tests
I won’t pretend these sessions were easy. They asked us to go to places we don’t normally visit out loud. But looking back, I understand why. The children waiting for families have often come from hard places. The people welcoming them need to be genuinely ready.
The preparation course — where the real eye-opening happened
Once we passed the psychological assessment, we attended a mandatory four-day preparation course. And this, honestly, was where everything became very real.
The course didn’t let us hold onto any romantic notions about adoption. The facilitators were honest — sometimes uncomfortably so. The children available for adoption in Hungary are, in the vast majority of cases, not orphans in the traditional sense. Most have been removed from difficult situations: neglect, poverty, addiction in the family, mental illness. Birth parents often struggled with dependency issues, and sometimes the identity of the father is simply unknown.
The role-playing exercises
The role-playing exercises were the part that caught me most off guard.
In each scenario, we were placed in situations a parent might actually face — and asked to respond. What I discovered was uncomfortable but important: my instinctive reactions came almost entirely from patterns I had absorbed from my own upbringing. And those patterns? Not always the right ones.
There were moments when I genuinely didn’t know what the right answer was. Moments when I felt completely lost — not equipped, not ready. And that was exactly the point. Parenthood isn’t a straight road with clear signposts. It asks things of you that you can’t always prepare for in advance. The role-playing didn’t give us answers. It gave us awareness — and that, I think, was more valuable.
The medical conditions list
We also spent time on the medical conditions list — a document that lists various health conditions a child might have, and requires prospective parents to indicate for each one: accept, do not accept, or need more information. Every single condition. It’s a confronting exercise — and an important one.
Our approach was to not face it alone. We reached out to a friend who works as a paramedic — someone with real medical experience — and asked them to help us understand the conditions on the list. Which ones are manageable with the right support? Which ones would significantly impact daily life?
Their guidance was invaluable. And if I could offer one piece of advice to anyone going through this process — with or without a medical degree — it would be this: consult a healthcare professional before completing the medical conditions list. Not to make the decision easier, but to make it more informed. You deserve to understand what you’re saying yes or no to.
(If you’d like to know more about the medical conditions list specifically, I’ll be covering it in more detail in a future post.)
Beyond the list, the course also included case studies of real adoption stories and short films that stayed with us long after we left the room.
At the end, we received a certificate of completion.
The declaration of intent — and then, the wait
With our certificate in hand, we were finally able to go to the guardianship office to make our official declaration of intent to adopt.
Shortly after, we received our approval.
The document that said: yes, you can become parents through adoption.
I expected to feel pure joy. And there was joy — absolutely. But there was something else too. A quiet fear that settled in alongside the relief.
Because from that moment on, the phone could ring at any time.
I had told myself we’d probably hear something around autumn 2025. That felt far enough away to breathe. But the truth is — once you hold that approval in your hands, “someday” becomes “possibly today.” And living in that space, between hope and readiness, is something no course fully prepares you for.
The waiting had begun.
What this process taught us
If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s this: the adoption application process moves at the speed you give it.
There is no conveyor belt carrying you forward. There is no one on the other end of the phone checking whether you’ve booked your next appointment. It is entirely, completely, lovingly up to you.
For some people, that’s where the journey ends before it begins. The paperwork feels too heavy. The uncertainty feels too vast. The questions feel too hard. And I understand that — I do.
But for us? Every step forward felt like choosing our daughter before we even knew her name.
What comes next
In Part 3, I’ll be sharing something a little different — a comparison between the Hungarian and US adoption processes, because I know many of you reading this are navigating a very different system. The heart of the journey is the same, but the path looks quite different.
Until then — if you have questions about the Hungarian adoption process, or if you’re somewhere in your own application journey right now, leave a comment below. You are not alone in this.
If you have questions about the adoption application journey leave a comment below.
And if you missed where it all began, start with Part 1: Before the Yes.
FAQ — The Adoption Application Process
What is the adoption application process like in Hungary? The Hungarian state adoption process involves several steps: registering with local child protection services, a home assessment, medical and employment clearances, a psychological assessment (four sessions), a four-day preparation course, and finally a declaration of intent at the guardianship office. The entire process took us approximately eight months.
How long does the adoption application process take? For us, from first registration to receiving our official approval took approximately eight months. The timeline depends largely on how quickly you complete each step — the process moves at the pace you drive it.
What is the medical conditions list in adoption? The medical conditions list is a document prospective adoptive parents must complete, indicating which health conditions they are able to accept in a child. We strongly recommend consulting a healthcare professional before completing this list to make a truly informed decision.
Is a psychological assessment required for adoption? Yes — in Hungary, a psychological suitability assessment is a mandatory part of the adoption application process. It consists of four sessions covering individual life histories, your relationship as a couple, and written psychological testing.
What happens after you say yes to adoption? After making the decision to adopt, the formal application process begins — home assessments, medical clearances, psychological evaluations, a preparation course, and a declaration of intent. Once approved, the waiting period begins until a child is matched with your family.
For more information about adoption visit Adoptive Families
